Add some spices to your marriage

For most couples, being in sync doesn’t happen all the time. The longer you are married, you will notice ups and downs throughout your relationship.

But with these simple and practical tips, you can go back to the honeymooning lovers you once were, no matter how long you’ve been married.

Kiss for no reason

As the time flies by, you may find that you no longer give each other as much lip action as you once did. Kisses may be limited to when the husband leaves for and arrives from work, or during super special occasions only. Surprise your loved one by giving him a heartfelt smack right on the lips the moment you wake up, or even better — anytime at all.

Get him a gift

The next time you are out doing grocery shopping or running an errand, buy your better half something that reminds you of him. It doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive; the key is to let him know that you are thinking of him. Don’t have extra cash? Pick a flower from your walk home or simply write him a letter by hand.

Join him in his favorite activity

Married couples have a way of drifting apart, especially when each is constantly engaged in separate hobbies. Husbands may enjoy watching rounds and rounds of sports on TV while wives may like taking walks or doing some gardening work. Whatever it is that your significant other usually does alone, surprise him by joining him for that particular activity, even for just an hour.

Exercise

Believe it or not, staying in shape can do wonders for your marriage. Not only does being active keep your body and brain functioning well, but it also releases endorphins that keep you happy. These happy hormones help alleviate stress, lift moods and encourage a positive atmosphere. If you can get your spouse to exercise with you, all the better.

Take care of yourself

Eat healthy, find out which beauty treatments work best for you and spend time taking care of your physical self. This includes having a good oral health care routine (don’t ever forget to brush and floss regularly!) and taking the right vitamins and supplements. It is important to always look and feel your best especially when around your spouse.

Talk. A lot.

Still the most important way to keep the sizzle in your marriage is through mental stimulation. You don’t always need to have the same opinions on everything. In fact, the art of gentle debating is a surefire way to keep things interesting. When not in the mood for a discussion, simply talking about the most mundane things is still an excellent way to stay connected with one another.

Do something new together

Most couples simply accept old age and eventually stop doing new things. It doesn’t have to be that way. Make it a point to never stop discovering new things, whether it be about the world, yourself or each other. Dare to try something new each month or even each year. Climb mountains, go camping, explore a new country. The list is endless.

Always remind yourself that you are one lucky person for having married your spouse

No matter what happens, at the end of the day, you are with that person for a reason. That reason may be as simple as having someone you love to grow old with, to share a laugh with, to make great memories with and to love and to take care of. Being grateful for those things will go a long way.

Good Communication During Marriage Conflict

Five Ways People React to Conflict

People react to conflict based on their culture, their nature, and the examples they
have seen. Most people react to conflict in one of five ways.

My way. This person feels that his way is the only way. He keeps pushing until he gets his way or until the other person gets out of the way.
No way. This person ignores the problem. Nothing is solved because he walks away from the conflict.
Your way. This person wants the other person to be happy. He wants peace or approval so much that he always submits to the other person. This way can be peaceful, for a time, but it is also frustrating.
Half way. This person gives up some things, part of the time. Each person gets some of what he wants. But he also loses some of what he wants.
Our way. This couple works out problems together. They care about solving problems. But they also care about each other and their marriage. They want each person to be satisfied with the solution. And they each view their spouse as more important than
their own personal needs.
In which of the five ways do you respond to conflict? Can you improve? People can change their responses to conflict. They can learn new responses if their ways are not as wise as they desire. God wants us to be at peace with each other. We are to be reconciled with God and with people (Matt. 5:23-24). Paul tells us to protect the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace (Eph. 4:3). A good response to conflict enables us to live at peace within marriage.

Five Good Actions to do During Conflict

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1. Listen in an active way.

Ask questions that relate to the topic and to what you heard.
Restate what you are hearing.
Be open to the other person’s ideas rather than trying to defend yourself.
2. Clarify the problem.

Ask yourself and your spouse, “What is wrong?”
Ask, “Why is this important to you?”
Acknowledge your spouse’s point of view. Say, “I can see this is important to you.”
3. Ask for suggestions.

Ask, “What is your solution?” Too often, people criticize or complain without seeking a solution. The time must come in conflict when you turn from the problem to seek the solution. Parents, you should always make it clear to your family members what they can do to please you. Otherwise, they will become discouraged and stop trying to please you.
Describe changes in behavior that you can make, “What can I do differently?”
Identify what a time of peace will look like. Ask, “How will we know that things have changed?”
4. Share your thoughts.

Stay calm.
Give information.
Clarify your point of view.
Find something in your spouse’s complaint that you can agree with.
5. Agree on a solution.

State what you will do in the agreement and what your spouse can do to help you.
Affirm that both of you want to solve the problem. Write the agreement in a book and have all sign it who are concerned. Otherwise, the time may come when someone forgets the agreement.
Set a date to review your progress.

Preparing towards MARRIAGE

Most people will get married. But all of us will be unmarried for a time. Some people are unmarried for a time while they seek a mate. Others become single again through death or divorce. Some remain unmarried throughout their lives. In this lesson, we will consider how we prepare for marriage.

Prepare by making friends and having fellowship.

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Whether we are married or unmarried, we all have a deep need for friendship. Unmarried people must strengthen their lives by having good friendships.

The unmarried, or single people, must seek and keep strong friendships. People may find a good friend in a family member such as a parent, brother, or sister. People can find deep friendships with those of the same faith. People can find friends among those who share common interests in things such as work, music, and recreation.

An example of making friends is one called the Apostle Paul in the New Testament of the Bible. Most scholars think that Paul was unmarried yet, we know he developed many deep friendships (1 Cor. 9:5-6; Rom. 16:1-16).

He became a friend to Priscilla and Aquila through his work as a tentmaker (Acts 18:1-3).
He had fellowship with people who shared in his ministry. Barnabas, Silas, Timothy, and Titus are examples of Paul’s friends. The greetings in his letters reflect the many deep friendships he formed through shared ministry.
Paul had friendships within his family (Rom. 16:7, 11, 21).
Paul also had close relationships with those to whom he ministered. The Ephesian elders were very close to Paul. They wept together when he left for Jerusalem (Acts 20:13–21:14). Their love was deep and enduring. They pleaded with Paul to avoid his suffering and stay with them. It was so hard for Paul to bear that he cried out, “Why are you weeping and breaking my heart?” (Acts 21:13).
Some single people are always looking for a spouse because they are lonely and think that marriage is the way to find a genuine friend. They may not know that married people also feel lonely from time to time. But there are many opportunities to fellowship without having to be married. One key way for an unmarried person to prepare for marriage is engage in genuine relationships so as to live a full life. This will help the unmarried person to be ready to interact socially and to consider the needs of others.

Prepare by finding and fulfilling your purposes in life.

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Most single people greatly desire to get married. They may dream of the future so much that they neglect the present. They may think too much about the day when their lives will be fulfilled in marriage. But wise singles understand that God has a purpose for every day we live. God desires all single people to accomplish His purposes. Living with a purpose makes a person feel valuable, satisfied, and fulfilled.

Single people who desire to marry should know that they are more attractive to others when they live with purpose. This is very important. Those with a purpose are excited about life and can be used and anointed by God. This draws others to them. A person who is “just waiting”seems desperate, empty, cold, and needy to others. Which kind of person would you choose to marry: one who only dreams about the future, or one who is living every day with joy and purpose?

Prepare by discerning the reason for sexual purity (I Cor. 6:9-20).

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God’s plan is for a man and woman to become one flesh in marriage. There are several reasons why God blesses sexual relations only within marriage.

1. God commands sexual purity because of our relationship with Him. Salvation impacts the whole person. It is not just our spirits that are saved. Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. Since our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, we must remain sexually pure. Sexual immorality—any sexual union outside of marriage—is a sin against the body and against Christ Himself. Our bodies are made for Christ and not for sexual sins (1 Cor. 6:18-20).

2. Sexual purity protects from disease. People everywhere are learning that sex outside of marriage brings disease and death. Sexual diseases are spreading and are destroying families and entire nations. Doctors have no cure for AIDS or many sexual diseases. Yet God has told us how to avoid sexual diseases. We are to remain sexually pure if we are single and to remain faithful if we are married. Sexual purity protects people from many diseases. The best protection from disease is for both marriage partners to have sexual relations only with each other in marriage.

3. Sexual purity protects fathers, mothers, and children. A man who is sexually pure and faithful never wonders whether he has unknown children. He never lives with the guilt of leaving a woman or a child. Sexual purity protects women. Single women who remain sexually pure never suffer from the heartbreak of having children outside of marriage. A woman and her child are blessed when her pregnancy is within the dignity of marriage.

Every child needs a father and a mother. The presence, protection, and provision of a father bless a child. Sexual purity brings God’s blessings to all. The Lord’s plan brings blessing and adds no sorrow! But poverty and suffering often follow the woman and child left by a lover outside of marriage. God’s plan is not for children to be born outside of marriage (Heb. 12:8).

4. Sexual purity protects the emotions. A sexual union can affect a person’s emotions forever. Many societies encourage a couple to try having sex and living together to see whether or not they want to marry. But this is rebellion against God’s wisdom. The commitment of marriage protects the emotions. The couple can learn to live and love each other in the security of a marriage relationship. Sexual union without commitment often causes a person to feel insecure and of less value. Sex outside of marriage makes people feel devalued. Men, women, and children feel of little worth because of sex outside of marriage (See Prov. 6:26). They feel like used goods instead of feeling new. In contrast, remaining pure protects the way a person feels about self. Sexual purity raises a person’s value in his or her own eyes, and in the eyes of others. Proverbs 31:10 states that a woman with virtue has great value. “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” Sexual purity protects self-esteem.

Casual sex between unmarried people deadens the emotions. A person is seen as an object to be used. The only thing important in casual sex is selfish desire. The user and the one being used cannot escape emotional pain. When two people have sex, they become one flesh (1 Cor. 6:16). This union unites bodies and emotions. Tearing this one flesh apart will cause damage, like tearing two pieces of paper apart that were glued together. A part of each must remain with the other.
Sex before marriage affects emotions after marriage. Guilt and feelings of betrayal may trouble the marriage. Sexual memories may cause a person to compare a spouse to a former sexual partner. The person who has had other sexual partners may have a harder time remaining faithful to a spouse. Jealousy and insecurity may come when a person learns a spouse has had past sexual partners. There are many negative emotions from sex outside of marriage. Sexual purity protects a person’s emotional life.

5. Sexual purity leads to trust and security. When sex is only within marriage, there is no fear of disease. There is no guilt of infecting your spouse and children. If a child is conceived, the man is certain that he is the father. The woman is certain of support. And the child is certain who the parents are. Intimacy is strengthened by knowing that neither person had sex with anyone else. Neither spouse is compared with another person in the sexual union. They can each learn to please the other. A valuable and precious gift that you can give your future spouse is your virginity; your sexual purity. Do not give this great gift away before marriage! Save your purity for the special person you will love for a lifetime!

Prepare by remaining sexually pure.

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Here are some important thoughts and actions that will help you to remain sexually pure.

1. Do not let people who do not follow Jesus pressure you to act like they act (Rom. 12:1-2). People who do not follow Jesus will do whatever the lust of their heart and mind lead them to do. They approve of those who rebel against God. In contrast, Christians do not live by the world’s standards. They follow God’s plan in all areas of their lives.

2. Fulfill sexual desire in the way that God approves. The desire for food is a normal part of being human. But a person should not steal food; he should work to buy it. Likewise, sexual desire is normal. Work and plan for marriage. Then you can fulfill your sexual desires through God’s plan.

3. Renew your mind (Rom. 12:1-2). There are two parts to this. First, we must protect our minds from the things that feed sexual desire. Many forms of entertainment increase sexual desire. We must control what we think, read, watch, and speak. We must pull down bad thoughts and make them bow to Jesus (2 Cor. 10:5). Jesus wants to be Lord of our thoughts. Likewise, we must manage our time with others so that we avoid situations where sexual temptation is strong. Second, we must fill our minds with good things. Philippians 4:7-9 teaches us that thinking about noble and pure things helps us to guard our minds and hearts.

4. Use personal energy in good ways. The Bible warns men, “Do not spend your strength on women, your vigor on those who ruin kings” (Prov. 31:3). Many kings like Solomon wasted their strength in sex with many women. In contrast, a man should use his strength for good things such as work, worship, family, ministry, or community life. An idle mind is the devil’s workshop. Do something good instead of something bad.

5. Walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfill the desires of the flesh (Gal. 5:16). Believers are not led by the sinful nature (the flesh), but by the Spirit (Rom. 8:4). If the Spirit causes you to feel guilty in an area of your life, repent and turn in a better direction. Submit to the Spirit. But reject guilt that is not from God. For example, do not feel guilty about what happens while you sleep! The body must have sexual release. Men’s bodies produce sexual fluids that the body releases. Sexual tension builds in both men and women. Men and some women experience sexual release while they are sleeping (Lev. 15:16-17). This often comes with a dream. It is best to accept this as the way our bodies provide for sexual release. Dreams are mysterious. They are not always from God. A sexual dream does not always show a problem with character. If we are seeking to keep a pure mind and body when we are awake, we do not need to accept guilt for sexual dreams. God made your body the way it is.

6. Accept grace for your past and move forward in holiness. God is serious about sexual sin. Breaking His commands brings many bad results. But, thank God, His grace can cover sexual sins. First Corinthians 6:9-11 states, “Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders…will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God”. God forgives all who repent and turn away from sin (1 John 1:9).

Credits:Dr. Wayde Goodall

The Three Stages of Growth in Marriage

The Bible tells us, “By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established” (Prov. 24:3). In other words, God wants you to be wise and understand how to build your marriage and family.

The wise couple will understand that there are common stages in a marriage. Many marriages fail because of ignorance. People enter marriage but do not know how to succeed in it for life. Many believe that the emotion of romantic love will carry them through life. They do not realize that difficult times come to any marriage. After only a few weeks of marriage, some people say, “He (or she) has changed; this is not the person I married. I have no idea what went wrong!” Most of the time this occurs because people who were marrying did not really know each other. They did not want to see faults in each other, or they did not count the cost. Before marriage, people learn to please themselves or their families. But when two people marry, they must learn to please each other. The Bible tells us to “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph. 5:21). Many times, married people refuse to learn to submit to each other. But a husband and wife should become closer through the three stages of growth in marriage.

Stage 1: Get to know your spouse.

Often a new marriage is full of energy, innocence, and surprises. The early months of marriage are a time to learn about each other. Five sentences describe a couple during this first stage of marriage:

They are attracted to each other. Their attention is focused on each other. The couple spends much time thinking about each other. They forget other things and walk around smiling about the one they have married.
They see only the best in each other. In the first stage of marriage, people tend to think of their partner on a high level. Solomon wrote: “How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes behind your veil are doves” (Song of Songs 4:1). During these early days, married partners praise and admire each other. Each is perfect in the other’s eyes.
They submit to each other. At first, new couples give in to each other and give up their rights. They submit to each other to have harmony. They are tender with each other and like to be together. They care about each other’s needs.
They enjoy each other. Early in marriage the partners are very happy. They have a feeling of well-being. Everything seems great and they are encouraged. Solomon writes from this point of view throughout the Song of Songs. He feels all the emotion of Stage One: joy, happiness, and excitement. But there is one more sentence that describes this stage.
They ignore the faults of each other. The fact is, at the beginning of a marriage, you really do not know the other person. You are in love with an ideal of him or her. You do not know what your spouse is really like, and you do not know your future. In those early months, couples tend to ignore differences and overlook faults. They put odd things aside. Often, zthey ignore major problems.
This first stage of marriage does not last, because it cannot last. Sooner or later, couples become aware of differences and faults. They have different personalities, different *temperaments, and different responsibilities. The *honeymoon (first period of enthusiasm) will end, and they must go back to work. When this stage passes, we come to Stage Two.

Stage 2: Understanding and growing through differences.
The man who wrote Song of Songs also wrote Proverbs 27. In Song of Songs, Solomon was saying, “You are perfect! You are flawless. There is nothing wrong with you. Marriage is great! I am in love!” After a time, Solomon says this about his wife: “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand” (Prov. 27:15-16).

What happened? It sounds like his joy in marriage and his joy about his wife disappeared. During this stage, delight can turn to confusion, bitterness, and tension. Here are five descriptions about what can happen to the husband and wife in Stage Two.

They become dull. Routine and boredom become part of the couple’s life. Most excitement is gone. There is some loss of interest and some change in feelings. People do not care much about the way they look, because they cannot look perfect all the time. The honeymoon (first stage) is over, and now the partners begin to realize that marriage is like life; some days are wonderful, but many are slow, dull, routine, or even boring.
They argue. The couple begins to quarrel over their differences. They no longer give up and give in. Strife enters the marriage.
They defend themselves. The partners start protecting themselves. They are not as open and trusting as they were. They do not want the other to accuse them of their faults. They start protecting themselves. They excuse themselves and accuse their mate. Resentment and bitterness can build up. They can become defensive and unwilling to admit faults or to mature.
They criticize each other. In the first stage, husbands, like Solomon, say, “Everything she does is right!” And “She is perfect!” Now, very little seems right. What a change in attitude. The wife says, “I do not respect him anymore.” Respect moves out and criticism moves in.
They become disappointed. The couple’s dreams are not coming true. Sometimes people have said, “I feel trapped,” or “I would rather be single again than be married to this selfish person.” Others have said, “I am not happy, and I know God wants me happy, so I should get a divorce.” They are disappointed. Many couples give up at this stage and seek divorce. Some make the mistake of trying to find feelings of love with another person. This unfaithfulness often destroys their marriage. Others become stuck in this stage of discouragement. They do not make the effort to work through this stage and understand their spouse. Because of these five reactions, many never know how wonderful marriage can be. They do not cross over the valley of disappointment to the mountain of mature love.

Stage 3: Mature love.

Stage Three is described in 1 Corinthians 13, the “Love Chapter.” “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails (1 Cor. 13:4-8).

In Stage Three, we see mature love. This is not just romantic feelings. Mature love is a decision to do the right thing, say the right thing, and be the right person. Let us look at seven characteristics of mature love.

1. Mature love is tender. Every marriage needs tenderness. We must be gentle and not judge each other. We must be careful with each other’s feelings. We must be tender and avoid embarrassing our spouse. We realize that we are on the same team and we refuse to criticize or destroy each other.
2. Mature love is responsible. We each fulfill our duty to build a good marriage. We are responsible to love, provide, protect, and nurture our spouse and our children. We must love and act responsibly to God first, then our spouse, and our children. We meet the needs of our loved ones even when it means personal sacrifice.
3. Mature love is accepting. We will never be alike and that is good. God created every husband and wife unique. We know we have different personalities and temperaments, different faults, and we still find a way to accept the one we married.

As a wise man said, “Before marriage, keep both eyes open, but after marriage, close one.” This means that we learn to see our spouse as he or she truly is but, we choose then to overlook certain faults. Not every fault is worth a fight! Instead, we must “Accept one another,then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God” (Rom. 15:7).
4. Mature love is secure. Mature love offers security that says, “No matter what happens, we will make it together.” Both spouses must feel that they will remain faithful if they lose a job, lose health, or fail to reach their goals. This commitment brings security to both husband and wife. It also brings a deep sense of security to the children. The children need to know that during difficult times their parents will do whatever it takes to make the marriage succeed.
5. Mature love is truthful. Mature love is truthful. “Love … rejoices with the truth” (1 Cor. 13:6). As couples, we must be honest with each other and able to say what we feel. We must be truthful and tender to one another. The Bible calls this “speaking the truth in love” (Eph. 4:15).

The Bible instructs believers to “confess your sins to each other and pray for eachother so that you may be healed” (James 5:16). There are many couples that need their relationship to be healed because their relationship is weak. Many husbands and wives need to confess their sins (faults) to each other and pray for each other. Their relationship be healed through confession and prayer.
Married couples must be willing to reveal their thoughts by honest communication. Mature love says, “This is where I am hurting.” Or, “This is what I do not like.” “This is what I need. What do you need?” “What is hurting you?” We need to stop hiding our feelings and opinions and be honest with each other.
6. Mature love is humble. Some people want the marriage relationship to focus only on their needs and feelings. Some people sulk, pout, and brood. If a husband or wife refuses to talk, then their relationship will be weak. Some people threaten to walk out. Others use sarcasm and ridicule to attack loved ones. Some people like to blame their spouse. If we waste time and energy trying to find out who is at fault, we cannot fix the problem. Some people are always trying to change their partner. These actions are a form of pride and judgment and they will hurt a marriage.

In contrast, mature love is humble. Mature love puts the needs and feelings of others about everything else. Mature love learns to walk away from actions that reveal the pride of the flesh. It refuses to return negative thoughts and actions but instead chooses to act in a manner that honors Jesus Christ.
7. Mature love is willing to grow. If our marriage is mature, we have made the decision to act like adults instead of children. Mature love does not act selfishly or childish but instead chooses to act like Jesus Christ at all times. Mature love will seek to grow the marriage relationship as each spouse seeks to become a better follow of Christ, a better spouse, and a better parent.

credit:Dr. Wayde Goodall

God’s Word on Preparing for Marriage

Let’s consider what God’s word says as you consider and prepare to get married.

Understand what love is

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Who should get married?

I Corinthians 7:8-9 NIV
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But
if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with
passion.

Marriage is a union and a covenant

Genesis 2:24 ESV
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

A wife is a gift from God

Proverbs 18:22 ESV
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.

Proverbs 19:14 ESV
House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.

Prepare now for your future family

Proverbs 24:27, New Living Translation
Develop your business first before building your house.

1 Timothy 5:8
But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Prepare your heart and spirit

Galatians 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.

Choose wisely

Proverbs 22:24
Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man do not go…

Proverbs 24:30-34
I went by the field of the lazy man, and by the vineyard of the man devoid of understanding; and there it was, all overgrown with thorns; its surface was covered with nettles; its stone wall was broken down. When I saw it, I considered it well; I looked on it and received instruction: A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest; so shall your poverty come like a prowler, and your need like an armed man.

Prov. 31:10, “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.” Verse 30, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”

Luke 14:28-30
“For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it—lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.'”

2 Corinthians 6:14-15
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?

Ask for help in choosing a mate

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

Proverbs 11:14
Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.

credit: family relationship

Great sex

Sex plays a very vital role in marriage. ITS AN ESSENTIAL INGREDIENT IN EVERY MARITAL RELATIONSHIP.

Everyone has got His/Her first time. lets learn something her.

Time For Sex

When you have sex is a decision you will start to make only after you’ve gotten through the initial “all the time!” stage. Eventually, though, any person will develop a habit of making love with a certain pattern. Acquiring that pattern is the start of boredom; breaking that pattern can be the road to a new discovery.

If you and your partner are prone to making love only at night, try it for breakfast instead. Run home during lunch for a quickie. No time is more significant to lovemaking than any other, except that the time be good for both you and your partner.

Where should we have sex?

In bed, to start with. Seriously, there is no “better” place to make love than a bed. It’s designed to hold people lying down; it’s even designed for them to be a little rambunctious.
However, like time of day, location can become boring with repetition. Moving your sex life into a different room can be as much of a change as night and day. For starters, try the living room; most have a couch. Spread a blanket on the floor, start a fire in the fireplace if you have one, feed each other small, intimate snacks like grapes and champagne, and enjoy. A quickie on the kitchen floor (so popular since Indecent Proposal) can be fun as well.

What about the shower?

The shower, as well as the swimming pool, have their disadvantages. For one thing, lubricant doesn’t last very long in environments of such overwhelming volumes of water. For another, usually the only position available is standing, with all of the attendant problems of differences in height. Another common problem is that the floor of most bathtubs is very slippery, especially if you spill lubricant on it! However, it’s frequently the only place other than the bedroom where both of you are likely to be comfortable and naked, especially in winter. Don’t let all the “problems” listed here stop you from trying out what could become one of your favorite places to make love.

And outdoors?

Having sex outdoors has its own challenges and rewards. Many people feel that sex outdoors is closer to nature; others feel it is more illicit, “in full view of the whole sky.” If you’re going to have sex outdoors in any position other than standing, plan ahead of time to bring a blanket. Avoid using bug spray and sun block until afterwards– both taste awful. On the other hand, sunburns on your genitals can be excruciating; take care.

Caveat lover…

Having sex in strange places is a turn-on for many. How strange a place you want to make love is a matter of some concern of course, since outside of the privacy of your own home, having sex in full view is likely to arouse the interest of the local constabulary. Getting arrested for public indecency is likely to catch the attention of your employer as well. Plan any such dalliances in advance and scope out your intended rendezvous point for possible problems, interruptions, and routes of escape if necessary. And whatever you do, put your used condoms and wrappers in the trash can; stopping litter isn’t just good citizenship, here’s it’s a matter of sheer good taste.

Man on Top

This position gets a lot of bad press these days because it’s “old-fashioned,” or perhaps because it’s “patriarchal.” Actually, there’s nothing wrong with this position; it affords excellent support for thrusting, close intimate contact between lovers, and is an ideal position for conception. The woman may lie with her legs spread wide and to the sides, or may draw them up to her chest. In either position, the man cannot reach her vulva for manual stimulation although in the first he can reach her breasts.

A variation on this position is for the woman to sit in a chair or on the edge of a low bed, thus allowing the man to kneel on the floor for thrusting. For heavyset men it can reduce the weight he places upon his partner, and allows for both partners to reach their genitals. Although technically regarded as “superior” to traditional missionary position by many sex therapists, most people who actually have sex feel this position is less “intimate.”

Woman on Top

This involes, she straddles his hips, taking his penis inside her, and then lies down or crouches atop him, either with her legs bent or stretched out. She may also choose to just sit straight up atop him, sliding up and down; this position is both visually stimulating for the man and allows him to play with her breasts freely.

Sitting

This position is for sex in slow motion; the angles are all wrong for any sort of vigorous thrusting.The man sits in a chair or cross-legged on the floor while the woman sits astride him, usually face-to-face although it can work equally well if she faces away. This position is good for caressing and intimacy. Some people recommend rocking chairs for this position.

Side-by-Side

These positions all mirror the “on top” positions, except that the partners now lie on their sides on the bed. They can be achieved face-to-face, at an angle or from behind.

The one difficulty with this position face-to-face is that someone has to rest their leg atop their partner’s (usually the man’s leg is on top of the woman’s lower leg); after only a few minutes of keeping still or resting in this position, the partner whose leg is below may feel cramping, pain, or a sensation that the leg is “falling asleep” due to a cut-off of the blood supply; however, many women find that if a continual rocking in-and-out movement is kept going, blood will naturally flow into the lower leg and the position can then be sustained in comfort for the duration of intercourse.

Done when the woman faces away from the man, side-by-side intercourse can be slow and relaxing; one can almost fall asleep comfortably like this. In this position, it is known as “spooning.

Rear-Entry

Although several positions already described can also be covered under the term “rear-entry”

the woman is braced on both hands and knees; a common variant is for the woman to crouch with her arms bent, her face turned to one side on the bed, and her butt tilted upward; this allows her to distribute her weight more evenly along her forearms, chest, knees, and shins.

You’re never too old to learn new tricks.

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Women! take a look.

When people think of romance they think of women.
But as a man I feel kind of slighted. Thanks to our hunter-gatherer ancestors, somehow men got stuck with a bad reputation when it comes to romance. Somehow, men became expected to be strong, calloused and not show their emotions.
We’re almost expected not to have emotions. But times have changed and men don’t need to protect against wild predators who are trying to eat their families anymore. So underneath their calloused ‘nothing bothers me’ exterior, what do men really want in a relationship?

Believe it or not, men want to feel loved and cared for – just as much as women do.
But even though men may want to be loved and cared for, they want to be shown it differently than women. Men don’t want to be taken to a good chick flick or watch a movie that makes them cry to feel close to their spouse.
And despite what the Superbowl ads would lead you to believe, most men don’t feel close to women while drinking beer and watching them dance in bikinis, either.So how do men want to feel loved and what can wives do to show their husbands that they care?

What Men Want In Marriage

Affection
Sex! Men also want you to hold his hand in public, leave a message of love on his voice mail, massage his shoulders, give him an unexpected kiss, and flirt with him. Husbands like to be romanced too!

Men want to feel wanted – not needed. Men like that their wives need them but not to the point that their wife relies on them for every small thing – this feels smothering.
Men want a woman who is fiercely independent, who has her own desires, goals, drives and plans how to achieve them. They like a wife who can accomplish her goals on her own (and will) but invites her husband to do things with her because it means more when he’s there. Men want a woman who doesn’t need them but she asks for him to be in her life because she wants him.

Men want to be taken care of. I’ll probably take some heat from men and women for this one but I’ll say it anyway. Men really do want to be taken care of.
Men absolutely love it when their wives are in tune with them enough to know when they’ve had a bad day and need to be left alone and when they’ve had a bad day and need someone to talk to about it.
They also like it when their wife takes care of them when they’re sick. They may not ask for help when they’re working around the house, but they like to feel like their wife takes care of them everywhere else.

Believe in His Capabilities
Many men believe it is important for them to protect and provide for those they love. Let your husband know that you believe in his talents and skills and are supportive of him.

Understanding
One of the ways you can both tell and show your husband that you want to understand him is by making a commitment to daily dialogue with him. Daily dialogue only takes 20 minutes out of your day. Isn’t your husband worth 20 minutes each day?

Men want a wife who is in tune with them – not just the kids. It’s understood that women have a special bond with their children. And that’s okay. But a lot of times after children come along, men often feel a lot like extra baggage.
All of a sudden husbands get cast aside as a second priority.
Wives often fill their day with so many things with the kids, that when night time comes and it is just the two of them together, the wife has spent all her energy on the children and has none left for her husband.
She forgets what’s going on at his work, what his friends are doing or how his latest hobby is going – but she can probably say exactly what score their oldest got on their spelling test or what boy their daughter likes. Men want a wife who is in tune and cares about him – not just their kids.

Affirmation
Most guys like to be patted on the back. Compliment your husband often. Just don’t over do it with sicky sweet oozes of how great he is. That type of affirmation can backfire.

Men like to be taken out on dates. Just like women like to be taken out on dates by their husband to be romanced and wooed, men also like to be taken out on dates.
Men love it when their wives plan a date for the weekend to go a comedy club or a restaurant and then out for drinks afterwards. The fact that their wife took the time to plan something they thought their husband would like is a good enough feeling that men often don’t care what they do as long as their wife planned it and thought of their husband in the mean time.

Men like to feel safe. But not in the physical sense. Marriage brings out the best and worst in people. It challenges people in ways they never thought possible.
Instead of their spouse criticizing them and pointing out flaws (which makes men feel their relationship is on dangerous ground), men want a wife who will be patient with him when he feels challenged by his shortcomings.
A man likes to know that his wife won’t take advantage of his shortcomings and will keep his insecurities safe while he’s working on them. And a man especially wants to feel like his wife is supportive of him in his challenges and isn’t using his challenges as reasons to walk away.
Even though men get a bad reputation for being the least romantic of the two sexes, they still like romance. Men still like to feel loved, wanted and cared for just as much as women do.
They also want to feel like they’re safe in their relationship with a partner who loves them and is invested in them. But even though they’re not as expressive in their requests for it, they still want it.
So don’t dismiss your man just because he doesn’t want to snuggle all the time. Underneath is a person who wants to be cared for, loved and take care of just as much as you do.

Acceptance
Many husbands are hurt and angered when their wives try to change them. Realize that the only person that you can change is yourself.

Less Chatter
Don’t yakety-yak all the time. If your husband is tired, or involved with a project, and you really want to talk to him about something, get to the point or schedule a time with him to have the talk.

Respect
Show respect for your husband by not making negative comments about his thoughts and opinions, by being considerate of his plans, and by avoiding the “eye roll” when listening to him.

Free Time
Most everyone has a desire for some quiet time alone, and time to re-energize, regroup, and reconnect. When your husband first gets home from work, allow him some free time to unwind. Don’t over-schedule his days off with projects around the house.

Trust
Trust is vital in the success of a marriage. If you are having doubts about your husband and find it difficult to trust him, seek counseling — not spying.

Companionship
Hopefully, you can say that your husband is not only your lover, but also your friend. Staying friends and companions through the years requires that you find ways to make time to be together and to do things together.

Before you cheat consider this:

Before you consider cheating on your spouse, here are things you should know

It seems that every now and then or so we learn of another celebrity caught cheating on his or her spouse. To say adultery is an epidemic in our current culture is an understatement. And it doesn’t seem to be a respecter of position. Regardless of what we do for a living, (Politicians, Pastors, teachers, athletes, actors, musicians, etc.) cheaters are in our midst. It seems to be so prevalent today that the question isn’t who is cheating but rather – who isn’t?
I have seen first-hand the destruction of adultery. Cheating devastates relationships and shatters dreams. If you have entertained the idea of cheating on your spouse or significant other, let this serve as your official warning. Your handsome boss, cute office secretary or sultry neighbor down the street comes with a price tag that you cannot afford.
You will become a liar

It’s bad enough to bear the title of “Cheater,” but if you cheat, you will also wear the hat of “Liar.” Cheating cannot occur without deceit on some level and normally the white lies in the beginning become full-fledged lies at the end. “I’m working late at the office tonight” may be a half-truth but you’ll need to redefine the word “working” to silence your compromised conscience. Cheating and lying go hand in hand. (For more about the lies that cheaters tell.
You will get caught

It may not be today. It may not be tomorrow. But eventually, your affair will come to light. Your world will come crashing down on you. If you are fortunate, the story of your indiscretion may avoid the evening news or the front page of your local paper, but your circle of friends will know your deeds. And everyone likes to share juicy news.It’s not a matter of if but when.

As the Chinese proverb goes, “If you don’t want anyone to know it, don’t do it.”

You will disappoint everyone Even GOD

Everyone. Your spouse. Your friends. Your co-workers. Your God. Your parents. Your nephew. Your children. Yourself. The disappointment you cause will be like the stench of skunks and it will take a long time to remove the smell.
You will be a bad example

Everyone is either a good example or a bad example in all things that we do. Cheating is not only a very bad example in relationships but brings with it a cloud of doubt that hovers over you in other areas of your life. If you cheated in one area, would you cheat in another? Cheating communicates to everyone that you took the easy road. It tells others that you were willing to cut corners in your most primary relationship. It reveals that you were not willing to do the hard work and get the help you needed. No one ever admires a cheater. No one looks up to an adulterer. Even if you did a lifetime of good, this one bad deed can erase it all.
You will lose your moral authority

It’s hard to tell your children (or others) to do the right thing when they know you didn’t. Saying “Do as I say, not as I do” is the fastest way to lose the respect of others. Not only will you lose their respect, you’ll lose yours. Every moral judgment you make in the future will be weighed against your adulterous action of the past. It doesn’t mean you can’t speak the truth in the future, it just means that few will listen to you.
You will create trust issues for your spouse

Forever. You will single-handedly damage the precious self-esteem of the one you promised to love. Every relationship they have after you will be one that they struggle to trust. If that were not enough, you will rock the world of children and cause them to question the stability of every meaningful relationship they have. For children, their parents’ relationship is their anchor and cheating cuts the line.
You will lose your standard of living

Depending on what you do for a living, you may lose your job. Many lose their home. Most end up with enormous court fees since cheating is usually the precursor to divorce. Betrayed spouses have a way of making you pay and that payment is always expensive. Every check you write is a constant reminder of your foolishness.
You will spend years trying to rebuild your life

Literally years. Even if you somehow weathered the storm financially, you will find it takes years for you to recover emotionally. It takes years for you to restore certain friendships, if you even do. It takes years for you to rebuild your character. It takes years to rebuild trust. It takes years to truly forgive yourself.
You will lose relationships

You will lose a LOT of relationships. Lifelong friends will walk away. Close friends that you have helped countless times will not be around to help you. Even some family members who are supposed to love you no matter what will vanish. A cheater can end up living a very lonely life. It’s hard for many people who used to call you friend to get past that skunk smell of disappointment.
You will increase your chances of getting an STD

Sexually transmitted diseases run rampant among promiscuous people. But your paramour is “clean,” right? After all, they told you so. And if there is one thing we all know – we can trust a cheater and their word. As the saying goes, “There is honor among thieves.” One helpful thought may be to assume that everyone but your spouse has an STD. That should curb your appetite for destruction.
The grass is not greener on the other side

The “grass is greener” idea is a common misconception. Because we have never been on that grass, we assume it must be better than where we currently stand. It’s not. In fact, though it may look greener from a distance – once you get there and make yourself comfortable, something interesting happens – the grass changes color. This usually happens soon after you get caught. You will then see that patch of land differently. You will also have a strange desire for the green grass you left … except now it is burned and won’t let you back. The best way to enjoy green grass is to water your own yard.
Would you want this done to you?

Thieves like to steal wallets but hate when it’s done to them. If we all lived by the Golden Rule (“Treat others the way you want to be treated.”) most of life’s problems would be solved overnight. Think about this action as if it were being done to you. The problem is that it requires thought and thinking is often the last thing a cheater has on his/her mind.
You will eventually regret this decision

In the heat of the moment, cheating appears to make sense. It feels good and sometimes even feels right. Feelings are deceitful. Soon afterward, your eyes will be opened and you will regret that you ever partook of the forbidden fruit. Don’t we all have enough regrets in our lives? Why add another one – particularly one that can only destroy everything you have worked so hard to build? Your home may not be perfect but it sure beats living in a tent.
The pain outweighs the gain

No one ever says from their deathbed, I wish I would have had an affair. No one ever leaves their lawyer’s office with a smile on their face – grateful for the experience. No one loses dear friends and is glad they have one less Christmas card to receive this year. The loss is immeasurable. The pain can be unbearable. Entire kingdoms can be lost for a few minutes of pleasure. It is just not worth it.

now you see why its a BAD idea to consider cheating on your spouse

Signs you’re having sex in the wrong position

1. You’re doing something you saw in a movie that in fact is very uncomfortable
Yeah, it looked good in that rerun of Gossip Girl you watched last week but in actuality, your leg keeps cramping and you kind of can’t feel your pelvis. Skip.

2. You’re choosing your position based on how thin it makes you look
If your primary concern is whether or not you look model-thin in that position, the odds that it’s actually going to be effective in getting you off are fairly slim. Plus, if you’re not sleeping with someone who thinks you look sexy in all positions, thin or not, that’s a bigger problem anyway.

3. You tried a different position one time and came right away
If you have one go-to position that in theory you think should work for whatever random reasons you assigned to it (“this way, if I want to grab a water, I can!”), but it’s never actually that good, and then one time you ended up in a different position to a hilarious degree of success, maybe drop your preconceived notions as to what works for you. And to that end…

4. You’re not actually getting off
If you’re having sex in one particular position but never really getting off in that position, or when you do, it’s like climbing a clitoral Mt. Everest that involves 20 minutes of intense focus, that should be a pretty good indicator.

5. You’re trying not to mess up your hair
This goes back to no. 2 but has less to do with your body and more to do with the idea that somehow you’re supposed to have really intense sex while your hair and makeup stay perfectly in place. This is not something you should do yet you’re ruining everything for yourself by aiming for it.

6. You always let your partner pick the position
The odds that he’s going to only pick positions that allow you to feel the best possible way are slim since he is not in your actual body and probably doesn’t even know what those positions are. Don’t leave it up to him! Flip him over and get into a position that feels amazing for you. Trust me, he’ll be into it.

7. It makes you feel disconnected from the experience
If you spend most of the time in that sex position trying to figure out a way to make your leg bend backward like your childhood Barbie doll just so you can “get it right,” there’s no way it’s going to end in awesome orgasms.

8. It’s straight-up painful
Sex should never be painful — unless it’s purposeful BDSM pleasure-pain like spanking — so if something hurts, talk to your gynecologist. Even if there’s not a bigger health problem, she can recommend positions that might work better for your body (and just because one position doesn’t work for you doesn’t mean you’re broken. It’s just not your thing. No big.)

9. You’re making eye contact with someone who is not your sex partner
If you can see your neighbor Jerry through the blinds, time to make some adjustments. Also, what is Jerry even doing home?

More sex may help fertility

Timing is everything, right? Not so fast.
Two new studies suggest that having sex at any time may boost a woman’s chances for getting pregnant, even if it’s outside of the ovulation cycle.

The studies, based on data collected from 30 women who participated in the Kinsey Institute’s Women, Immunity and Sexual Health (WISH) Study were both led by Tierney Lorenz, a visiting research scientist at the Kinsey Institute of Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University at Bloomington, in the United States of America.

“It’s a common recommendation that partners trying to have a baby should engage in regular intercourse to increase the woman’s changes of getting pregnant – even during so-called ‘non-fertile’ periods – although it’s unclear how this works,” Lorenz said in a press release.
“This research is the first to show that the sexual activity may cause the body to promote types of immunity that support conception”, he added.

In the paper published in Fertility and Sterility, Lorenz and colleagues collected saliva samples from 30 healthy premenopausal women, 16 of which were abstaining from sex – and 14 who were sexually active – at the four phases of the women’s cycle: menstrual, follicular, ovulatory and luteal phases.
Lorenz and colleagues found significantly higher levels of type 2 helper T cells, which are believed to help the body accept changes associated with pregnancy, during the luteal phase of the menstrual cycle.

They also found higher levels of type 1 helper T cells, which act as the body’s defense against illness or disease, in the same women during the follicular phase of the menstrual cycle.
“We’re actually seeing the immune system responding to a social behavior: sexual activity,” Lorenz said in the release. “The sexually active women’s immune systems were preparing in advance to the mere possibility of pregnancy.”

In the paper published in Physiology and Behavior, Lorenz and colleagues collected the same type of saliva samples from 32 healthy premenopausal women – 15 sexually active and 17 abstinent.
Once again, the sexually active women showed greater changes to helper T cells and proteins that T cells use to communicate to the body that it’s ready for pregnancy.