Apology. Very Vital

We think an apology between a husband and wife should be private.Express regret for something that one has done wrong.Some people apologize because they just want to get out of the fix they are in or because they want to present a caring and repentant image to others. Focusing on your own needs when you apologize isn’t really apologizing.

Other people apologize because they want to put the past behind them and begin again. Many folks apologize because they are genuinely sorry for what happened, want to accept responsibility for their actions, and want to make amends. These are good reasons.

Hopefully, you want to apologize to your spouse because you want to help ease and eventually end the hurt and pain that you caused, because you love your spouse, and because you want to do what you can to insure that your marriage or relationship is on solid ground. These are better reasons to apologize.

How to Apologize 

We think an apology between a husband and wife should be private.

When you apologize to your spouse, your apology needs to be genuine and sincere. Use “I” in your apology and don’t try to put any responsibility for your behavior on your spouse.

Apologizing in the form of a letter is acceptable, however if possible, you should be present when the letter is read by your spouse. Express your shame, regret, sadness, guilt, etc. You also need to state what you are willing to do to make things right again.

You should emphasize your determination to not make the same mistake again. Whatever you decide to do to make restitution, make sure it is meaningful and something that you will do. Don’t make promises you won’t or can’t keep.

Finally, you need to ask for Forgiveness. Don’t push your spouse for an immediate response. Your spouse may need time to respond.

• Face Your Feelings
  Don’t ignore your feelings. What you are feeling is normal. Write down your thoughts and feelings in a private journal. If you find they are impacting your life in negative ways, seek professional help
• Take Care of Yourself
  Eat healthy meals. Drink water throughout the day. Exercise in the fresh air. Get regular sleep. Do something that will make you laugh or smile each day. You can’t make life-giving decisions when you let your body suffer.
• Communicate
  Communicate. Let your spouse know exactly how you feel and the consequences of the betrayal. If you don’t think you can verbally express all that you need to say, write a letter expressing your thoughts and feelings. Don’t hold anything back. Get it all out.
• Don’t Be Mistrustful of Everyone
  It is natural to be wary and cautious, but try not to push others away from you because your spouse has betrayed you. Just because one person violated your trust, doesn’t mean others will. Otherwise, you could become an angry, bitter, suspicious individual.
• Trust Yourself
  It is important that you not lose confidence in yourself or in your decisions.
• Make a Decision
  If you’ve decided to work on your marriage or relationship, then you will need to make a decision to trust again. Your spouse will need to show an understanding of what you have felt and experienced, and needs to prove that he/she is truly sorry, willing to change offending behaviors, and working on earning your trust once again. Your marriage or relationship can’t be sustained if there is no trust between the two of you.
• Let Go of the Anger
  This isn’t easy, but carrying anger and hostility in your heart is as physically and emotionally draining as carrying large, heavy buckets of water on your shoulders all day. Not being willing to let go of the hurt, or deciding to hold a grudge and not forgive, truly hurts you more than it hurts your spouse.
• Move on With Your Life
  If the betrayal was so hurtful, that, after giving it some time and thought, you’ve decided to divorce, then it is important that you spend some time reflecting on the situation. Be honest in asking yourself questions about what you could have done or possibly should have done differently. However, don’t get into a self-blaming game. No one deserves to be betrayed.
• Grieve
  Recognize that it is ok, even necessary, to go through the process of grief over the loss of trust and the sense of being betrayed. Mourning these losses will help you bring closure to this painful time in your life. Accept that this process takes time.